March 23rd , 14862 Notes
my brain: hoe don’t ship it
the characters: *stare at each other achingly for 0.5 seconds*
me: IT CAN’T BE HELPED. YOU WON’T STOP ME.
“she takes mental vacations. she disappears once in a while to reclaim herself. you need to understand how her energy works.”— iambrillyant (via wnq-writers)
(Source: wnq-writers.com)
March 5th , 618019 Notes
Hufflepuff: *wakes up*
Hufflepuff: Please don’t be 7, please don’t be 7, please don’t be 7
Hufflepuff: *checks clock*
Clock: 4:30
Hufflepuff: yeEHAW
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.”— Iain S Thomas
Softer screaming into the void —
I saw my dad today
He has a way of making it all seem okay, even though it’s anything but okay — he does it with humor
Guess that’s where I get it from
Said he was going up the coast for the weekend
Told him to check in so I know he didn’t drive his car off a cliff, I had to specify because he couldn’t see
He said he was glad I threw that last bit in
Depression is heavy
I told him to do whatever it is that he needed to do this weekend, go up the coast — but that my door was always open. I cleaned out the back room and put fresh sheets on the bed
I let him know that he didn’t have to even stay every night, that he could come and go as he wanted, but just to check in with me
He left
My mother called, I didn’t answer
Screaming — internally and externally.
I am now 29 years old.
I am getting married in roughly six months.
My immune system is compromised and I just keep getting sick and having to take time off work — this makes my boss upset. I’m tired of having meetings about it. Like, trust me, I rather be at work.
My sister has been in therapeutic boarding school for nearly seven months. It’s helping.
My mother is a nightmare.
My father a more tolerable and loveable nightmare.
They’ve been working on things. They have a lot of things to unpack and work on. My mother is a tornado and puts experation dates on things — my father being one of them.
She kicked him out on Sunday — he’s been sleeping in his car.
I’ve been crying every night since.
He says she’s pulled the plug, not to worry.
I haven’t talked to her since Saturday.
Im trying to think of a plan. Trying to figure out away to convince him to come stay at our house till I can pull something together.
The shortest plan is a minimum of six months. Six months to a year. I have to help him file bankruptcy.
No one will rent to him.
Low income housing won’t take him for at least a year after the bankruptcy passes.
I need to take a nap but I am making lists in my head.
I am screaming internally and externally.
“Sometimes you just need a break. In a beautiful place. Alone. To figure out everything.”— Unknown
In 2019:
- do more things that make you forget about your phone
- do not compare yourself to other people: trust that you are progressing in your own way
- keep your heart soft, remember that there are genuinely kind people & good things in the world
- finish what you start
- be consistent, and do not be swayed by temporary moods or criticisms from people who don’t matter.
- smile more often
- be okay with being bad at something
- do not blame yourself for people who make you feel unworthy. find new people to talk to and don’t isolate yourself even if you feel awkward or unlovable. don’t convince yourself that you’re better off alone.
- go outside more often and find beauty in small things
- read more books
- be the kindest person you can be
- be so busy you have no time to be bored or dwell on the past
- learn to be patient. don’t rely on instant gratification, wait for the sense of accomplishment after completing a daily goal or achieving a long-term goal
- see bad days as a chance to start again
- always remember that negative thoughts are not the truth. you can do amazing things even though you may feel stupid. you are worthy of love and self care even though you may hate yourself. you deserve kindness and friendship and unconditional love even though you don’t feel that way. people don’t hate you even though you think you’re unlovable. you made mistakes and had bad times but that’s ok - you can always start again.
I had strange dreams.
I’m left feeling uneasy and I don’t care for it.